Nothing inside of me wanted to
.
Yet
.
Everything in my being wanted to do what I could to help. Scared. Not just scared... Terrified, trembling.
.
I pushed LIVE on my phone and proceeded to share my heart, feelings, feeling extremely vulnerable about the baby who passed away. His story and where I fit in:
.
Here.
.
To do what I could... anything I could to help. Help his mama. Help his siblings. Help his dad and uncle and friends and family. So many people touched by his life.
.
It's been hard. Really hard.
.
I always thought running a fundraiser was selling t-shirts door to door. Or setting up a booth at the city festival. I was wrong.
.
This cause has turned out to be so much more for me.
.
Right when I thought I was getting a strong handle on my PPA/PPD. Shook... I was shook deep to my core.
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Nothing compared to what this family has been experiencing
.
Yet here I am... as I am writing this it has been 9 days
.
9 days of waking up every 30 minutes overnight to check on my girls. I have been afraid. So deeply afraid. Of something I cannot control. But I can't sleep.
.
This really sunk in after I was at an appointment and my provider asked me:
.
"How much total in a night are you sleeping?"
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3 hours maybe
.
Each night over the last 9 days
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What I really didn't know... was what running a fundraiser really was like.
.
It matters.
.
Life matters.
.
Your life matters.
.
Families matter.
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Babies and kids and teenagers and grandmas and moms and teachers of siblings and care providers and wives of uncles...
.
Matter
.
People care deeply. Not just about donating. On a much more emotional level, they care. They want to help. I was absolutely overwhelmed as I watched the order numbers tally up.
.
Higher and higher
.
Much higher than a sleepless daycare friend mom could even believe
.
It blew my mind.
.
People fell in love with the family, with baby Lucas, with the painting, with being part of a community that could pour love into a family walking through the hardest of times
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Amazed and moved to tears
.
Night after night. I am reminded of the goodness that lies in peoples' hearts.
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That, my friends, is what a fundraiser is all about
Until next time,
-Paige